This Week's Singles

I know I’m in the minority here but I’m just not “feeling” Justin Timberlake’s new direction. “Sexyback” was a big pile of nothing, his videos have been strangely dull and "My Love", (**) the supposed standout track from the Futuresex/Lovesounds album features a whiny falsetto vocal that I'm surprised anyone other than dogs can hear. There is better on the album (the title track, "What Goes Around Comes Around") but even the crass McDonalds tie-in "I'm Lovin It" is preferable to this.

Has there ever been a less appealing duet than Akon and Eminem’s “Smack That.” (no stars) I’d rather listen to Jordan and Peter Andre’s album. What a shame that Eminem’s “retirement” lasted all of about five seconds. And what a shame that Akon didn’t have the decency to retire after the god-awful chav anthem “Lonely.”

"Lovelight" (****) could be the song to save Robbie Williams’ half-decent #1 Rudebox album from "only" going multi-platinum instead of being multi-multi platinum. It’s the kind of soul-pop that George Michael did so well before he disappeared up his own backside. God knows why it wasn’t the lead single.

Snow Patrol go someway to redeeming themselves after their horribly cynical attempt at a stadium anthem with their last single. with the gorgeous “Set Fire To The Third Bar,” (***) featuring the Cerys Matthews soundalike Martha Wainwright.

After the dismal failures of US5 and Upper Street, 365 are the latest boyband to try and do the seemingly impossible, by having a hit record. The generic R&B-pop of “One Touch” (**), which completely steals the verses of Terri Walker’s “Whoopsie Daisy” won’t do it.

Helena Paparizou’s Eurovision winner wasn’t even released in the UK so it’s a bit mystifying that her follow up, “Mambo” (**) has been. It’s more of the same Europop that would have sounded pretty good had it been released in the Summer but sounds out of place on a rainy day in November.

It’s amazing to think Ronan Keating isn’t yet 30 when he seems to have been releasing the same kind of granny-chasing, soul-destroying easy listening such as “This I Promise You” (*) for what seems like hundreds of years. The wonderful uplifting guitar-pop of Life Is A Rollercoaster seems a long long time ago.

Captain have been completely ignored by everyone despite their wonderful harmony-layered pop such as "Frontline" (***) being far more interesting than the similar Magic Numbers. “You’re So Pretty” (***) is another re-release, this time from another under-rated group, The Charlatans, whose Best Of released last week is one of the better of the millions out this Christmas. And Orson, featuring the most smug lead singer since Phil Collins, continue to torture us with “Already Over”, (*) the same plodding 70s AOR that has somehow give them a #1 single and album.