The X Factor...Again

Apologies for making a third post about The X Factor in less than two months but it is one of the few shows that I end up watching religiously, even though it infuriates me and entertains me in equal measures.

Tonight saw the first round of the live stages in a mammoth show that seemed to last about two years. The format is almost the same. 12 contestants. 12 karaoke songs. 12 utterly pointless and repetitive comments from the eejit. The only change is that, like the American Pop Idol, we now have musical guests of honour, Yes, if it wasn't bad enough that the finalists had to share their screentime with three bickering and petty judges, they now have to share it with popstars desperately plugging their latest single/album. I'm sure this show used to be about finding undiscovered talent?

Anyway, to the performances, which are all Motown based, a tenuous link to today's guest Lionel Richie. The younger Andy Abraham, Robert, goes first, belting out the very un-Motown All Night Long and he isn't bad. Neither is the bizarre looking Eton Road with My Girl. Thankfully the Brian Molko lookalike has put on some weight but he appears to be wearing a blouse and is stood about ten feet away from the other three members. They're all very likeable but it's hard to see who they're exactly going to appeal to.

Next is the first of the many sob-story contestants. Nikita thankfully fails to remind us about her late mother while singing, but still manages to mention it in her interview. Sympathy tactics? Of course not. She's not the first though and while her fun rendition of an uptempo Supremes-like song I've never heard of wasn't exactly earth-shattering, it'll be enough to get her through.

Ben, the obligatory rocker that Sharon always seems to favour, delivers Tracks of My Tears in a voice so growly he makes Kelly Jones sound like Joe Pasquale. It's utter rubbish of course. Just because you've got long hair and sing with your throat, it doesn't make you any more alternative than Chico. But Simon, him of the "I Loved Gareth Gates and Steve Brookstein" brigade, thinks it's the best performance in the entire history of the series. I think I enjoyed Addictive Ladies version of Superstar more.

The McDonald Brothers however, are even worse, delivering possibly the most sleep-inducing performance not only of the show, of the series, but of all time. For once, Simon gets it right. They were dreadful and should be in the bottom two tonight.

Ray, the cheeky chappie Scouser, tries hard but his performance of Ben is a bit flat and predictable. I still think he'll be in the final three though.

Dionne, the finalist with probably the least screentime so far, turns out to be one of the dark horses of the competition by being actually quite good. Unfortunately, black women just don't win these kinds of contests, no matter how superior they are to the others. Look at Brenda and Maria last year.

The Unconventionals, the rather sinister looking six-piece, perform what is probably the most shambolic display of vocal ability on Dancing In The Street, with every member singing louder and louder in an effort to be seen as the biggest star. It is pretty hideous, but it says a lot when it's not the worst performance of the night.

Ashley, the Sideshow Bob lookalike, isn't much better. He does have the most distinctive voice in the competition. Unfortunately, that distinctive voice is the sound of someone trying to sing while yawning. Again, just because he's got unusual hair, it doesn't mean he's any more interesting a performer.

Kerry, the former Song For Europe entrant and The Book Group actress keeps on telling us how she's so relieved to finally get her big chance. Hmm. Her voice is pleasant enough and her performance is the most composed and effortless of the night, but you get the feeling that's as good as she can get.

The awfully-titled 4Sure deliver a slick if a little over-rehearsed What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted. They're the best group in the competition vocally, but it's nothing you haven't seen before and I'll be surprised if they go much further than last year's similarly titled 4tune.

The last performance is by far and away the best. When you watch the US Idol shows, you realise that most of our winners wouldn't make it through the first round across the Atlantic. But Leona is in a different league, and even though she is a bit shaky, her I'll Be There rendition is good enough to be up there with the Fantasias and Kelly Clarksons of this world. If there was any justice in the fickle world of pop talent contests, she would walk it. But we all know she won't.

So to the painfully drawn out results show. And amazingly, the McDonald Brothers get through. I've an awful feeling they're going to appeal to the same demographic as the almost as dull Journey South did last year. Robert undoes all his good work before by proving to be an utter tosser, doing a lap of honour around the stage and picking his mentor Sharon, who does not look amused, up off the ground.

Not surprisingly, it's poor Dionne, one of the better performers of the night, who ends up in the bottom two. I say not surprisingly as she's one of the few not to have shamelessly banged on about a sob story and so therefore, she hasn't had anywhere near the same exposure as the other emotional blackmailers. The Unconventionals join her which is also a shame as they may have been pretty awful but at least they looked like they were having fun. The singing duel-off is completely pointless as Simon, the only mentor without an act in the bottom two, has already made clear which act he prefers, and so it is that Dionne sees another day. I think the needs to think of a sob story and quick.