Why Am I Still Watching It?

So we're finally at the boot camp stages on The X Factor after what seems like months and months of the most over-produced audition footage in history. The two Saturday shows saw Simon, Sharon and the eejit whittle down their mostly average contestants to just eight for next week's final selection process.

You'd think that after seeing every contestant first time round, we'd be spared hearing the sob-stories again. But no, at every opportunity, the repetitive Kate Thornton narration reminded us how so-and-so had fought such adversity to be there. Now I do feel sorry for the people like the lady caught up in the bomb blast, the young girl whose mother died, the lady who broke their back and admire them for getting on with their lives. But that's totally irrelevant to what the show is supposed to be about. It's not supposed to be a Pride Of Britain Awards musical.

I'm sure it's not them. I'm sure it's the producers coaxing them into revealing every detail of their personal tragedy in order to create the "human interest" angle. But they really are made to look like sad, rather manipulative individuals who will do anything to get to the next round. You end up sitting there shouting "Have a bit of self-respect for yourself. Get through on your own merit." The thing is, most of the sob-story contestants are actually quite good. But because of their constant sympathy vote tactics, you lose any sympathy you may have had.

Anyway, the twenty-four left, are on the whole, a rather uninspiring bunch.

Simon's got the under 25s and hasn't done himself any favours at all by letting nervous schoolboy Shaun in. Nothing against him personally as he seems like a very nice lad. But it's ridiculous that he made it through to the second round, let alone the final eight. Yes, I'm sure a lot of mums and grandmas will think he's adorable but if that's the basis that someone can get through, then they might as well forget about the singing side and just turn the whole charade into a cutest baby contest.

Ashley, the Macy Gray lookalike, has an unusual voice but so does Janet Street Porter and I wouldn't want to hear her belt out a quite frankly hideous version of Be My Baby either. The only ones to have made any impression on me was Raymond, the chirpy Scouser who used to be in Brookside, who is actually very good and Leona, a Javine lookalike who's probably the best singer left in the competition. The rest are non-descript and I'll be amazed if any of them get through due to the fact they haven't been given more than ten seconds airtime between them.

Sharon did really well with the over 25s last year (who would have thought Chico would have gone on to have a #1?) but it looks like she might have her work cut out this year. The eight left are a mixture of carbon-copy Rowettas, Andy Abrahams and Marias. All very talented but nothing to get too excited about. The only interesting thing will be to see how far Kerry gets. Either way, Sharon can't win. Put her through and she'll be accused of tokenism. Send her home and she'll be accused of discrimination.

The eejit managed to bring someone even more unlikeable than him, Kian from Westlife, to help him choose his final eight. Not surprisingly, it was mostly dated boybands that got picked. Avenue, we already know get chucked out for already having a lucrative management deal, Eton Road, who have a skeletal Brian Molko lookalike as their frontman and the imaginatively titled McDonald Brothers, who are basically a carbon copy Journey South. My favourite at the moment is the cute and cutely-named Dolly Rockers, who aren't exactly the greatest singers in the world but have a fun and down to earth pre-fame Spice Girls look about them. I also liked Identical, who may have only been one step up from The Cheeky Girls but looked like they were enjoying themselves and were the most entertaining out of the whole bunch. Of course they weren't bland enough and so didn't make it.

So it doesn't look like we're going to get a Will Young out of this series. Or even a Jessica Garlick. But despite every brain cell telling me it's cynical, contrived rubbish, I'll still be watching it every Saturday. It's just too addictive to ignore.