Singles Out Tomorrow

You’d be forgiven for thinking you’re in some kind of timewarp looking at some of the new singles out this week. Tasmin Archer, The Bluetones, Papa Roach and Steve Brookstein of all people all attempt to climb out of obscurity by releasing new songs this week. Unfortunately, or probably fortunately in the case of the latter, two, I haven’t heard any of them.

But I have had the misfortune to listen to Janet Jackson’s truly dreadful “Call On Me.” (*) After the Superbowl incident and her very poor last two albums, Janet Jackson needed something pretty spectacular to reignite her career. And she must have thought she was onto a winner by bringing Jermaine Dupri on board, the man who masterminded Mariah Carey’s surprise return to form last year. But she wasn’t. Completely lacking any kind of tune, the vocals are almost inaudible due to Janet’s increasingly bizarre tendency to whisper rather than sing, and the inclusion of Nelly, a cynical attempt to gain more credibility and appeal to the chav audience, adds precisely nothing. The pointless big budget video also shows up the zero chemistry between the pair, and their attempt to bump and grind with each other provides one of the most excruciatingly embarrassing video moments of the year.

Keisha White’s been in the papers this week, slagging off the likes of Jamelia and Alesha, arguing that no-one will remember them in five years time. She should maybe take a look at her own music first. “I Choose Life,” (**) a pleasant enough but bland cover of a Celine Dion song, is hardly likely to stick in people’s memories for more than five minutes.

Single of the week comes from The Killers. “When You Were Young” (****) is a homage to Bruce Springsteen-style stadium rock that’s even more over-the-top than the Hot Fuss album. Not sure about Brandon Flowers’ facial hair though.

The Automatic’s “Recover” (***) is more of the same shouty chorus rock but is not different enough to shake off their novelty hit status after Monster. Bedouin Soundclash’s “When The Night Feels My Song” (*) is the re-released Bob Marley-lite tune off the T-Mobile ad which was highly annoying the first time round. Lola’s "No Strings" (***) is a record about sex which lyrically doesn’t believe in any clever metaphors, but while the Alicia Keys-attempt at a soulful ballad is hideous, the Europop remix is actually quite good in a Cher’s Believe kind of way.

The Zutons 60s saxophone-pop finally becomes a little irritating on “Oh Stacey” (**), Route 33 carry on where Deepest Blue left off with the rather good chillout dance of “Looking Back” (***) and Scott Matthews “Elusive” (*) is yet another solo male guitarist singer-songwriter bore-fest so dull that he makes Jose Gonzales sound like the Cheeky Girls.